Category: Choices

The most lost individuals I have ever known spent most of their lives trying to find themselves. Back in the 1970s, it was in vogue in the United States for one to depart from the beaten path of society and go out into the “world” to find himself. People young and old left family, friends, businesses, education, careers, and often all of the above, to go out and explore life, to find out who they were. This often led to experimentation with drugs and alcohol and many other things commonly considered to be counter-culture to the societal values to which the individual may have been raised-up. Many of these people eventually returned, in their later years, to be contributing members of society. In other words, after all was said and done, they finally found themselves back in the society they wandered away from. Others simply lost themselves in the effort and never contributed to anything but their own demise.

There are so many deceptions in the world today that one who attempts to leave the proven and well-worn paths in life, as he tries to make his own path, puts at risk himself, his future, and the happiness of all those who hold him dear. Those who tend to keep to the well-worn paths, cleared and smoothed by the feet of many successful people before them, are much more likely to end up in later years with happy, successful, and fulfilling lives, making all around them better and happier people as well.

Now, that is not to say that all well-worn paths are worth following, but one can easily look at a map and see where the road he is on leads. That is, unless he is making his own path. If one wishes to arrive at the city of “Successful”, he can choose to take the road that leads there, which passes through the townships of “Education,” “Discipline,” and “Respect”, and is located in the County of “Hard Work”, or he can take the back roads, which may take longer, may offer more scenic views, pass through different townships, but still eventually arrive at the same destination. In reality, both use established pathways that lead to “Successful” in the end.  Or, one may decide that he has no need to follow any established route at all. By that route, one may find it extremely difficult to judge progress, or even determine exact location at many points in the journey, and arrival at the destination becomes doubtful, or less likely at best.

When one looks at a map, he sees many roads leading to major population centers. One may decide where he wants to go and select the route that is most satisfactory for his purposes. The best and most direct routes are normally shown in prominent colors and broad lines, while the less efficient routes are shown in finer lines and subdued colors. The same concept applies to our endeavors in life. The most well-worn pathways are well-traveled, because that is how the most people get where they want to go. If one’s purpose in choosing another way is no more than a decision not to follow the established route, then one can certainly plan on delays in his arrival at…wherever. I once heard someone say, “If you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter when you get there.” If you know where you would like to go, but decide not to take the roads that will take you there, then other priorities clearly rule your decision-making.

I have often heard people, particularly in the entertainment industry, who, early in their lives led counter-cultural, immoral, vice-ridden lives, say they had, “no regrets”.  Many claim they are better and wiser for having passed through the addictions and unhappiness that resulted from the excesses of their youth. What a selfish view of the world! I submit they show wisdom only inasmuch as they have recovered from their foolishness and returned to normal life (as much as possible). The fact is, that they have returned to the established pathways of the society they departed from earlier in life. Do they simply disregard the good they might have done for others in the world, had they never departed the beaten pathways? Do they truly have no regrets for the pain, suffering, and shame they caused their parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, and friends during their, shall we say, excursion into the countryside? Maybe they should ask those closely associated with them whether they should have any regrets and consider their answers.

As a law enforcement officer, earlier in my life, I often became acquainted with volunteer counselors in various assistance programs for those suffering from addictions and other choice-related maladies, such as criminal convictions. Many of these self-designated “counselors” felt they were qualified to counsel others, simply because they, themselves, had been through the same problems. I often found myself shaking my head in wonder at the counsel I heard given from the mouths of morally impoverished persons, who considered themselves wise, who claimed to have wisdom gained from wandering aimlessly through life and experiencing the depravity of addictions and immoral living. How much more valuable would be counsel from one who had actually gained and exercised wisdom by making wise choices throughout his life. Compassion and understanding can be born from common experience, yes. A listening and understanding ear has a wonderfully uplifting effect on the troubled soul, I agree. However, the most valuable counsel, I believe, comes from wise people, who have been wise enough throughout their lives to stay on the “straight and narrow” path.

A saying I once heard goes, “You’ll get where you’re going, if you don’t change your ways.” I like that. It cuts both ways equally. If you are wandering, you’ll continue to wander, unless you choose a destination and follow the path to get there. If you follow designated pathways, you’ll get there sooner.

Notice how I said one must choose a destination rather than a path. To simply choose a path without considering where that path eventually leads, is foolishness. Doing that and returning later to the path you were on before is not wisdom, it is simply the cessation of foolishness. Choosing a destination and following the pathways that lead there, are what get us where we want to be.

The key, then, is first to desire to be in a worthy place, then to choose your destination, get on the right road, and start traveling. Road maps, whether real or metaphorical are good and useful tools in that endeavor.

Remember, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

Not long ago, I watched a series of Clinton Anderson videos on horse training. I was quite impressed with Clinton’s methodology, his understanding of the learning processes of a horse, and his ability to communicate his knowledge to the viewers.  I thought they were well-organized video presentations that progressed in a logical manner.

I was particularly impressed with the respect and attention the horses gave Clinton and with the constancy and consistency with which he related to them. It seemed the horses were constantly looking at him, as if to ask, “Ok! What next?”, yet, when it was time to relax the horses were able to sense that from Clinton and were almost immediately at ease. The horses seemed to enjoy being with him, receiving his instructions almost eagerly. They appeared happy to be doing what he asked of them. I began to pay closer attention to the horses and their progress through the training, rather than what Clinton was actually training them to do.

In one video, Clinton brings in an older mare, who was brought to him for re-training, because she had become disrespectful and ornery to her owners. Her attitude and disrespect for humans was immediately obvious when Clinton gave his first command to her. She had her ears back and was rather belligerent. What she didn’t realize at first, however, was that Clinton “talks softly, but carries a big stick”, as the saying goes.

Clinton started conducting his ground training regime with the mare by “desensitizing” her to his training tools, consisting of a training staff, a stout fiberglass rod about 4-5 feet long, and a long string that may be attached to the end of the staff.  He touched and rubbed the mare with the staff until she understood that the staff did not hurt her and was not a punishment in itself. Then he attached the string and did the same thing, tossing it over her back and wrapping it around her legs. He did this until the horse stopped reacting at all to the staff and string.  Also, I noted that during training Clinton used the same staff to give reward, as well as punishment. The horse learned not to fear the staff and string and that punishment and reward came from Clinton, not the staff and string.

He then asked her to move her hind-quarters away from him.  Clinton did this by waving his training staff in the air and focusing his energy toward the mare’s hind-quarters. She ignored him. Clinton asked again by touching the mare on the rump with the staff as he waved it and focused on her hind-quarters. Again she ignored him. The third time Clinton asked her to move, he tapped a bit harder. She ignored. He then popped her hard on the rump with the staff. Her instant reaction was one borne of the disrespect she had developed for humans over the course of her past several years. She immediately kicked out at the staff.

The mare’s kick opened up a teaching opportunity for Clinton and a learning opportunity for the horse. The disrespectful mare had no sooner kicked out, than Clinton gave her a mighty “whack” on the rump with the training staff! I mean her feet hadn’t even hit the ground before Clinton hit her. The punishment for a mean, disrespectful, belligerent, and dangerous action was instantaneous. Clinton did not punish her for not moving, but for kicking. For the command to move her hind-quarters he simply increased the pressure, or discomfort, to persuade her to move, but for the kick she received a pretty severe punishment.

That was the last time I ever saw that horse kick. The next time he asked her to move her hind-quarters, she moved. Still not quite like he wanted, but she made the effort and from there she progressed, becoming increasingly more compliant, in order to avoid the increasing pressure from disobedience to his commands. From that point her re-training progressed quite rapidly.

Now, let me talk a little about the transformation I saw in that mare – the thing that inspired this post. At the beginning of the training this was an ornery, stubborn, disrespectful, and generally difficult mare. By the end of the video this same mare had a completely different personality. She looked to Clinton with ears perked forward, focused, and energetically looked for and obeyed every command he gave her. I was struck by the fact that this horse was actually happier than she was before. As I watched her with her trainer, she was happy! She looked like she was years younger physically, as well. She had given up doing things her way and was willingly doing what her master asked. She was happier being submissive and obedient than she was being disrespectful and belligerent.

Over the years, I have found so many parallels between horse training and human relations that I often wonder if the same training techniques might work with people…with a few adaptations, of course (the whacking with the staff thing is out). I believe that constancy and consistency are key factors. I believe another key factor, possibly the most important, is for one to find true leaders, or heroes, throughout one’s life, who have shown they are truly worthy of emulation, not because of beauty, fame, intelligence, or finances, but because of those things that truly make one great: honor, dignity, kindness, dedication, service, charity, and hard work.

In looking back on my life, I have been happier when I have been submissive and obedient to those in authority over me whom I respect and honor. I do not speak of blind faith or mindless following. I speak of following those who have taught me good and righteous principles over the course of my life. I speak of good teachers, church leaders, historical heroes, friends, and most importantly, my parents.

There is something good and elevating in submission and obedience to good principles that increases one’s ability to be happy.